Finding someone

Lunchtime conversations can be so philosophical. I mentioned asking my mum to attend a free play with me (yes, yet another one), and a colleague said I should have gone with another single colleague. Said single colleague was seated just across me at the dessert table. The tables at Chinese dessert stores ain’t big. Awkward moment.

That got yet another colleague and I started on the topic of finding someone. Perhaps we’re both romantics, and some may say, unrealistic. I’ve been told that if you want to find someone, you got to be active about it. The postman isn’t going to drop him off at your doorstep, wrapped up like a present.

But maybe we should not seek, but wait for the person to come. Marriage is after all a lifetime commitment. Getting married is about saying “ok, so you have your flaws. I know what they are, and I’m willing to live with them.” It’s not about a wonderful feeling of security, knowing that you’re complete. So if the focus is on finding someone, then we go into any friendship with a checklist. We evaluate the person on their special friends and marriageable potential near the start. We skip getting to know the person, and start thinking of how to get the person. We end up robbing the friendship.

What I’m saying might run counter to mainstream thought. My friends tell me that this guy is on the “look out” for someone, or that the guy wants to know more girls. I’ve heard of someone who would go back to Hong Kong to be with his family, but is staying a couple more months to see if he can find anyone here to keep him. Perhaps what my young friend said is true – that society is in love with the idea of love, not with the ones we say we love.

So to seek or to stumble upon? I choose to discover, to wait for a friendship that might blossom into something more. What’s yours?


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