I had just let out a huge sigh today, when a colleague walked past, the one that we jokingly call “Pastor” because he’s so fatherly, always teaching us, and gently admonishing. And he said, “Be happy.” I paused, but not before complaining about the horrendously unstable network and systems that were driving me nuts. In short, “system not working, possible L&C matter, mailbox crashing repeatedly”. He murmured some sympathetic noises, then said again, “be happy”.
And that got me thinking. Is that easy to see frustration written on my face? And then I thought back about how irritable I’ve been recently. Most things that used not to rile me got under my skin and provoked ripples of annoyance.
And then I read this article. And I felt a sinking feeling. The Bible calls on women to have a gentle and quiet spirit, and I’ve been anything but. I was, to quote Nancy Wilson, an anxious spirit “like a stormy sea with whitecaps whipping along the shore”. Not a pretty sight. My quietness hid bitterness, resentment, anger. And the root was simple. My heart was not resting in God’s faithfulness and kindness. My heart was quite simply, anxious.
I want to be that gentle and quiet spirit that God wants me, as a woman, to be. I want to rest in His faithfulness and peace. I want to trust fully, that He will always provide, and He’s always on time – never late. I want to show true beauty to the world, not the kind that melts away with each swab of makeup remover and each year of age. I want to be content, a source of calm and support for others. I want to be the woman that God wants me to be. Lord help me.